Parrot Cage

A Muslim's desperate search for inner peace and nice jugs

Andrew Sullivan pointed out an interesting, uh, trend in internet usage.  On Google Trends you can track the volume of web searches for any particular subject by city or by country.  Turns out, there seems to be a pattern in the regions most interested in finding "sex" on the net.  And that pattern is sexually-repressive Islam.

Check it out.  Of the top ten countries googling for sex, 8 of them have enormous Muslim populations.  India weighs in at number 6.  Many people forget that while the overwhelming majority of religious Indians are Hindu, there are still almost as many Muslims in India as there are in Pakistan.

Of course, it's hard to judge what this all means.  After all, these good Muslims might simply be surfing the web to find ways to stamp out sex, as their religion dictates.  Yeah, or maybe guys want to look at girls.  Hey, if Allah wanted men looking at women he wouldn't have created burlap sacks.

Oh, and Saudi Arabia leads the world in searching for ass--followed distantly by the United States.  That ass-gap might just be the key to winning this war on terror....

The Godless Few

While we've always known that atheism (or whatever you want to call the reasoned conclusion that religious people are nuts) is an exclusive club, we found CBS News' recent headline rather wishful:

For Almost All Americans, There is God

Now, while we always relish our own deviancy, that "almost all" insistence doesn't quite come close to an accurate summary of their opinion poll finding that around 80% of Americans believe in god. 

Recent population samplings have suggested that Latinos make up around 20% of the American public.  Naturally, the geniuses at CBS News would have to conclude with a bold headline: 

Almost All Americans Are Not Latino

or the associative of that...

Almost No Americans Are Latino

We know the other 80% would like to wish us away, but we're here and we know the rest of you are weird.

No Lama on your Mayo?

The Dalai Lama will be giving a speech at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester Minnesota.  The Mayo Clinic is a world-renowned medical facility which has treated thousands of critical needs patients over the years.

To some, the arrival of the Dalai Lama poses a greater risk than cancer.  The local Christian fundamentalists got wind of the upcoming visit by "His Holiness" and threw an unholy fit.   Remember Dana Carvey's Church Lady?  Well, she goes by the name of Jan Markell and is organizing a prayer against the heathen holyman.  Seems the Dalai Lama's great offense lies in not accepting Jesus Christ as his personal savior--a significant ommission in many Buddhist clerics.

Now, as atheists--and protestant atheists at that--we don't often find ourselves pulling for one religion against the other.  Not all religions are equally toxic, but they are equally indefensible.  However, let's take a stand on this one.  The Dalai Lama may be a difficult man to take seriously.  Nevermind the whole reincarnation nonsense, the guy offers less wisdom than a basket of fortune cookies.  But he does preach non-violence and, sadly, that's a rare commodity in religious figures.  So, we say "Go Lama!"

While we may be irreligious, we resent anyone who may prevent us from converting to any religion we choose.  Even if it isn't Christianity.

For God's Sake, Don't Pray For Me!

Years ago, certain religious family members and acquaintances were fond of reciting a study that found, they said, that praying for the sick would actually contribute to the healing process. Granted, they didn't know the name of the study, where it was published, or who conducted it, but they were as certain of its findings as they were that god answers their prayers.

Now, we always questioned the existence of such a study.  After all, what kind of crackpot organization would ever fund such a study?  Aren't there plenty of other legitimate medical questions in need of study?

Well, now there is a real clinical study, which confirms the findings of another study, and it seems to show that prayer either has no effect, or its effect is to actually impede the health of those aware of others praying for them.  Now that that energy has been expended, how about a cure for cancer?  The common cold?  Cold sores?

Taxpayer Bible Study? Bring It!

Georgia is considering making the Bible a part of the state educational curriculum.  Oddly enough, we fully endorse this idea.  Now, as secular atheists (redundant?) we are always troubled by American Taliban attempts to foist their peculiar version of Christianity on the rest of us.  However, nothing would contribute to the de-religionizing of America better than actually forcing young people to read the Bible in a neutral setting.

Our ultimate goal of freeing people from primordial values finds Bible study to be a a win in every direction. 

First, most Christians, and especially the lunatic variety, wield the bible as a weapon largely because they remain ignorant of its message as well as its origin.  To study the Bible as history and literature should require study of its entomology, which is not a pretty story.  How many fundamentalists can cling to words that have been carelessly transcribed, mutated, and mistranslated over eons.  Who could think that this is the way a supreme being communicates with his creations?

Secondly, for any student who isn't troubled by the messy process which eventually resulted in a product called the Bible, the actual text should disturb their modern sensibilities.  Few students would be able to walk from their social studies classes, where they have just learned of the outrageous immorality of human slavery, and then unquestioningly accept the immoral sentiments of 'god's message'.  With our growing civilized rejection of human transgressions like slavery, racism, and genocide, it will be difficult for any moral soul to confront many of the Bible's stories, and the works of god, as anything other than crimes against humanity.

Finally, when the Bible becomes homework it will be loathed and shunned by school children in a way that only required reading can be.  And it isn't even as easy to read as The House on Mango Street.

The local Bible-belted ministers will not appreciate teachers referring to their holy book as a random compilation of dubious transcriptions and creative translations, modified and massaged by clerics and politicians over centuries.  But alas, it is as Machiavelli suggested: eventually politics is only effective in its irony.

Jerry Falwell's Mass Debaters

There's been an unusual amount of hype for Jerry Falwell's Liberty University debate team circulating.  From a story in Newsweek, New York Times Magazine, to appearances on Stephen Colbert, these fundamentalist flim-flammers are being touted as the best debaters in all the land. 

Seems the quality of Jerry Falwell's debaters is more the product of the Liberty University PR staff than their actual productivity.  For our fellow college football fanatics, Liberty University's prowess is comparable to calling Youngstown State the best team in college football; sure, they may consistently beat Slippery Rock, but they dutifully show up at Div 1A homecomings as the sacrificial lamb for good reason.

Two bloggers rip apart the hype over Jerry's Kids: Dispatches from the Culture Wars & Encyclopedia Hanasiana.

The War on Non-Believers

We atheists know how we are loathed by the religous public, but now it's official: atheists are America's most distrusted minority--beating out homosexuals, Muslims, and immigrants.

Religious people--especially the religiously Marxist--have a severe aversion to non-believers primarily because they remain the greatest threat to their worldview.  Atheism, like religion itself, is not so much a spitiyusl stance as it is a political one.  Rejecting ultimate authority, and especially rejecting fictional authority, is insulting to the prostrating masses because it makes them feel like, well, prostrating masses.  Once you've bought into a meaning in life, it's supremely counterproductive to question its credibility.

But we also tend to think that religious folk are thin-skinned because, on a repressed but very conscious level, they really do know that they are full of shit. 

Christian Common Cause with Jihadists

Angry Muslim fundamentalists may scare us, but don't forget the Christian fundamentalists.  They may not burn buildings or kill their opponents, but that's only because they don't have to.  You see, they pretty much get their way.

If you don't think there is something terribly dangerous about fundamentalists in this country, consider that some are now expressing their disdain for free expression in solidarity with rabid Islamists currently killing, beating, destroying buildings, to uphold the sacred outrage of blasphemy.

The one positive aspect of the whole Danish cartoon furor is--and this is monumentally positive--that it has created an opportunity to accurately frame the religious right in this country as a movement parallel with the Islamist crazies.  And as we can see from Christian fascists, those parallels may rapidly converge when they stop getting their way... or when we stop fighting back.

 

An Insult to Humanity

For clarity, while we tend to despise all religions equally, we notice that certain religions produce especially despicable followers.  As we've noted before, the Abrahamic religions tend to breed the absolute worst specimens of humanity.

Scum of the Muslim world:

From Afghanistan, Iraq, and Kuwait (just to mention a few countries 'liberated' by the ennobled West), riots, destruction, and, in Lebanon, the first person to die for the sin of a newspaper cartoonist in Denmark.  Young Muslim men restore the good name of Islam by refuting any suggestion that Islam is rooted in violence by committing mass violence. 

If you don't remember this kind of outrage over the killing of 3,000 innocents on 9-11 by men insulting Islam, that's because it didn't happen.  If you don't remember the outrage over the genocide in Darfur by men insulting Islam, that's because it didn't happen.  If you don't remember the outrage over Saudi Arabia's daily tyrannies by men insulting Islam....

Meanwhile, the respectable Arab-European league vents its anger by reminding Europe of its incessant "Jew-worshiping". 

Scum of the Christian world:

Christians consider firebombing the houses of producers of a Christian film who committed the unforgivable act of casting a gay actor in their film about forgiveness.

Rotten in Islam

We're not sure what may have prompted Danish cartoonists to want to infuriate Muslims with unflattering portrayals of their religion and religious icons, but we're actually glad they have and we encourage the world to back them up.  A brave French newspaper has republished the Muslim-antagonizing cartoons--and this in a country still smoldering from violent ethnic/religous strife.

We could say that the Muslim world needs a fresh taste of freedom of expression, but it's not just Muslims: the world is full of religious hemophiliacs dying to bleed piety all over their fragile souls.

Arab reaction to a handful of cartoons published in a newspaper in a tiny Scandanavian country is extraordinary.  Saudia Arabia's barbaric ruling class can't understand how the government of Denmark doesn't have strict control over their newspapers. And with all the monumental problems facing the downtrodden in Arab nations, it seems very American that they would instead direct their rage in service of religious tyrants who are the source of their oppression.  Ah, the sweet smell of vox populi, with a bitter religious aftertaste.  Might as well be Alabama.

This bruhaha has even carried over to Wikipedia. where there is a fight to remove the offending cartoons, their links, and any record of this event.  Given the recent tendencies of tech geeks to capitulate to fascists, we expect these controversial cartoons to be buried.

The most dangerous people in any society are always the most righteous.  The righteous are not hard to find, they go to extrordinary efforts to prove their righteousness.

The big question is, who will die for these cartoons?  And how many?  Which nutjob mullah will call for jihad against every Dane?  How many Danes abroad will be kidnapped and brutally murdered to appease some strange interpretation of Allah's will?  Every religion punishes heresy in their own way, but the Abrahamic religions tend to be the most bloodthirsty.  And why not?  After all, when you've only got one god to worship, or two if you're Protestant, there really is no level of malevolence that can't be justified in homage to your most jealous god.

One bright outcome to this whole mess might be a slowdown in Islamic migration to Denmark and possibly to the whole of Europe.  Don't get us wrong, Islam is no more ridiculous and dangerous than any other religion, but in 2006 who can argue that a substantial portion of Middle-Eastern Muslims are not exactly comfortable or even compatible with modernity?  And mixing the most antiquated cultures with the most progressive will never benefit either.  Yes, there are many immigrants who have absorbed the culture and progressive values of Northern Europe, but it only takes a few fanatics to burn your country to the ground.  In America, it's a slow burn.