Senate Democrats again squandered a golden opportunity to get what they needed out of the Alito hearings. With multiple judicial colleagues lining up to vouch for the character of Sam Alito, they could have hit these judges up for the information that the obfuscating nominee won't divulge.
In a dream world, with a legitimate and smart opposition party, we think the hearings could have gone very differently. Let's step into this world of our imagination and pretend, just pretend, that there is hope for America.
Enter the Senate chambers. A panel of Samuel Alito's judicial colleagues sit at the witness table. This panel of judges remain remarkably composed after two hours of hearings. Judge Toady, an ostensibly liberalish justice is the primary witness and has successfully reassured Senator after Senator that Judge Alito is a good friend and a fair judge. Senator Backbone, a craggy Blue State politician with many years of experience, takes command of the hearings.
Senator Backbone: Yeah, thanks Judge. It's nice to know that your fellow Judge here--who will essentially be your boss once he gets this promotion--is a nice guy of great integrity, yadda-yadda-yadda.... But Judge, aren't you a man of great integrity? Any one of you guys. What's wrong with your integrity?
Judge Toady: Nothing Senator, I have impeccable integrity. Ask Alito, he'll tell you, just like I told you about his impeccable integrity.
Senator Backbone: Right, you got the integrity.
Judge Toady: In spades, Senator. In spades.
Senator Backbone: What about your smarts? Are you up to par with the Alito intellect? You're not as smart as he is, are you?
Judge Toady: Look, Senator, I'll match wits with any sitting judge. I won't say I'm smarter than Judge Alito--(waves across room at Republican operatives, gives thumbs up) but I can certainly hold my own.
Senator Backbone: You're no dummy.
Judge Toady: No sir, I'm from Yale.
Senator Backbone: Yes, certainly, an Ivy League education.
Judge Toady: Just like my dad.
Senator Backbone: Splendid. You're educated. (sniffs) The finest education money can buy. Trained in all the legal arts from the most brilliant legal minds.
Judge Toady: You want to see my degrees, my citations, my letters of recommendation... I carry them with me. (Ducks under the table to reach his briefcase.)
Senator Backbone: No, please Judge. We introduced you with a healthy resume. Let the record show that Judge Toady is a well-respected, well-liked, well-educated, and eminently qualified jurist.
Judge Toady: Thank you.
Senator Backbone: Now that we've established that you're highly qualified for your own judgeship and, incidentally, qualified to judge a Judge's character, let me ask you the big one: Are you qualified to be a Supreme Court Justice?
Judge Toady: With all humility Senator, I think I am.
Senator Backbone: You think you are? As qualified as Judge Alito?
Judge Toady: Well, I have been a judge longer, as well as my years as both a prosecutor and defense attorney... but really Senator, Judge Alito is more than qualified. (winks into the camera)
Senator Backbone: That wasn't the question, Judge. (tears off reading glasses and spits into the microphone) We've established Judge Alito's credentials with your stirring testimonial! The issue before you is whether you are as qualified as Judge Alito to serve on the Supreme Court!
Judge Toady: Since you keep pressing me, Senator, let me just say that, with all appearances, I am at least as qualified as Judge Alito to serve on the Supreme Court.
Senator Backbone: Yes, by all accounts you are at least as qualified as Judge Alito to serve on the Supreme Court. That said, Judge Toady, why didn't the President pick you to serve on the Supreme Court?
Judge Toady: Uh, (stammering) the uh-Judge, Mr. Alito, he's uh, got many friends....
Senator Backbone: Judge, in your distinguished career I find it hard to believe that you haven't bagged a gaggle of friends. Yer a freaking Appellate Judge, fer chrissake... you obviously have connections.
Judge Toady: Maybe not the right connections, I imagine.
Senator Backbone: C'mon Judge! With all due respect, are you suggesting that Judge Alito will surpass you onto the Supreme Court because he has better connections than you.
Judge Toady: Not at all... I didn't mean to suggest that the Judge's nomination is the result of friends in high places.
Senator Backbone: Why, Judge? Why is Judge Alito getting the call and not you? Why would the President look at the pool of distinguished judges, look past your many accomplishments, your brilliant rulings, and point at Alito and say "Him! I want him!"
Judge Toady: (jumping to feet in tears) Because he's a right-wing shill! Everyone knows it! Oh gawd! The President wants a right wing stooge! If he packs the court with wingnuts, they can control everything... get away with everything! Everything!
Senator Backbone: (Not letting the Judge catch his breath) How do you know he's a right-wing stooge?
Judge Toady: The same way the President knows! Are you fucking kidding me? It's all there, it's not a secret! You think it's accidental that he always votes the way he votes? Grow up Senator! If he were any more conservative he'd be wearing a buckle on his hat!
Silence fills the Senate Chambers. Red State Senators who smiled and joked with Judge Toady only minutes before, now furl their brows and stare daggers at the flustered justice. The complete Fox News programming schedule for next three weeks can be summarized in two words: Get Toady!
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Posted by: Paige Woodward | April 21, 2008 at 05:07 PM